i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
