I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
