I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
