i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
