My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
