Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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