I heard we made out
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
