Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
