WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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