dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
