Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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