Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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