Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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