I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
