Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
