I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
