It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
