If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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