I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
