Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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