Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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