you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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