yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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