I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
