your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize