Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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