Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
