Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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