im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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