Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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