i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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