Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
