Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
