the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
