Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
