We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
