You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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