Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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