Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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