is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
