haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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