Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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