You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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