Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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