wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's the barista slut.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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