I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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