He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
