did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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