I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
