Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
