how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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