Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Barsexuality is the new black.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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