she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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