After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
