You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
