great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
