Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
