Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
