Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
