hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
