he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
