Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
