Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
