we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
