oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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