I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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