Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
