Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
