Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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