Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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