me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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