THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
