Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
