He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
