you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
