Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
