You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
