guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
