I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
